Extreme light bulb changing
This photo seems to provide a visual answer to the question: how many morons does it take to change a light bulb at 50ft? But it looks like the chap at the peak of the makeshift ladder drew the short straw. There’s a thin line between being brave and, simply put, being an absolute pillock, but this guy is really pushing it on the stupidity side of the spectrum with this contraption, which seems to be have been constructed with very little care for the health and safety rulebook. In fact, I’m pretty sure the light bulb screwer incinerated the tome and ate the ashes just to show how brazen his bravado attitude to DIY is.
You’ve got to be forking kidding me?
I don’t know who was managing the factory floor on this day, but I can’t quite get my head around who thought “let’s recreate the Tower of Babel with forklift trucks”. Surely one of these nincompoops would have put their hand up to admit this will only end in tears, splintered bones and broken pride.
Bargain bin luxury
Jethro, the mysterious creator of this makeshift hot tub, may not have needed to study hydro-engineering for four years to come up with this masterpiece of garden luxury. But if he had, he may have had the sense to not steal the heating techniques preferred by homeless bums beneath bridges.
The ethereal door
If an estate agent ever asks you to don a blindfold on a house viewing, don’t just assume he is a kinky, fun-loving property aficionado looking to lighten up his daily routine; he’s probably got something to hide. I tilt my hat to whoever managed to shift this property, which comes equipped with a balcony as useful as a ham sandwich at a Bar mitzvah.
Try getting out of this drive
What I want to know with this disaster is: what came first? Maybe not as classically perplexing as the old chicken egg adage, but did some pinhead property builder not think to look about three metres down the driveway as he lined up the garage? Or did some tit of a telephone pole constructor not question where his boss asked him to stick his 50ft concrete staff?
The security team really lacks vision
The art of disobedience towards the big brother world of CCTV is one that has been a mainstay since the snooping cameras were introduced towards the end of the 20th century. Activists have been unleashing barrages of bricks and splatterings of silly string at them for decades. But some smart Alec working at this anonymous location decided to make the act that bit more permanent with this admirable act of defiance.
Ramp to nowhere
I know there’s a lot of Brits out there using their economic woes to hurl vicious abuse at people with disabilities, labelling them as work-shy, benefit scroungers. If these single-minded dimwits spent a day in a disabled person’s shoes, or sat on their mobility scooter, they would likely see things a little differently. The guy who built this access ramp, however, is the epicentre of all evil. He sits atop his able-bodied ivory tower smirking at all those less fortunate wheelchair-bound individuals below him who can’t access this elusive building, which may, or may not, have some loose connection to the European Union going by those pretty yellow stars. This cold-blooded swine whose stone heart bleeds black cackles to himself, with not even an inch of guilt pervading his conscious that makes Pol Pot look passionate.
Whoever enlisted the genius guilty of this nonsensical mess either got in contact with the plumbing compatriot of John Wayne or someone who felt that the beauty of Spaghetti Junction in Birmingham needed to be recreated on a smaller, water mains-based scale.
Getting cash out here is quite a stretch
As far as I’m aware, Andre the Giant did not reside in a Middle Eastern country at any point. And if the towering monstrosity’s poor heart didn’t give up on pumping blood around his gigantic structure many years back, he’d probably tell us that he has no qualms with crouching to use a cash machine. So I really don’t know why this organisation felt the need to design one tailored just for his use.
You’d get a sinking feeling in this bathroom
I’m not sure what’s more ridiculous here, the fact that whoever is relieving themselves on this dunny will have all on sundry on show to whoever walks in, or the fact there’s five sinks for one toilet. I mean, I’m all up for a good hand scrub after spending a penny or two, but I don’t think I spend enough time doing it for four others to carry out their dirty work and join me, soap in hand. The only reasonable conclusion I can come to is that these sinks are the bathroom equivalent of a spork: the multi-purpose urinal/wash basin, two-course combo.
Sniffing paint isn’t the only way to get a rush of blood to the head
These guys are really showing how to put trust to the test, as well as making clear what happens when you don’t plan ahead. A lesson for all: if you are painting the inside of a swimming pool, slap down a coat on those outside walls first. Lest you want to end up putting your colleagues, friends or family in charge of whether you will end up spending the rest of your days doing your best Stephen Hawking routine, without having a mind-blowing grasp of astrophysics. If needs must, remember: teamwork, strategy and communication are key. Get the skinny guy on the duty of inverse decorator, give the muscle the job of ankle vice and then any dead weight can just be the paint can coaster.
In the extended words of Mr T, I pity the fool who braves this bridge. It looks like the idiot who constructed this precautious tower of support didn’t get very far through their undergraduate degree before packing it in for a career in real-life Jenga.
Whoever ends up a resident of this lovely suburban home better make sure of just one thing: they have one hell of a trusty handbrake. The last thing you want to find when you wake up in the morning for the long commute to your grey office cubicle is that you can’t get there because your Ford Mondeo has trotted over the road into your neighbour’s living room. Although, if the properties opposite are anything like this one, then you can have fun watching a two-ton pendulum roll back and forth like a swinging axe trap in video game, ready to end the misery of any ill-attentive fellow suburbanite walking their dog.
This guy is piping hot
Why on earth this keen photographer did not come back to this curious site when it was raining, to capture the whole drainpipe in full flow, is beyond me. Quite who or what this well endowed chap is meant to be is beyond me. Some kind of nudist, tribal cyberpunk with a penchant for keyboard belt buckles perhaps? It begs the question of what his presence is meant to suggest these premises sell. Hopefully no one is led astray by the plumbing. I feel they will only end up disappointed.
An extraordinary outhouse
Is this outhouse the pinnacle of decadence or the work of an impoverished cretin who needs to get their priorities in order? Air conditioning and satellite TV is certainly something I wouldn’t turn my nose up at if I had to brave the big wide world just to use the crapper. But if I did have to take a leak in a wooden shack, I’d probably invest that cash into a more sanitary place to go when nature decides to call.